5 Lessons I Learned From Having My Plans Messed up by the Pandemic
I could be in a sunny, tropical country, sipping fresh pineapple juice, surrounded by misty rainforests and warm-hearted Latino people.
But I’m in cold, foggy Northern Germany, where daylight lasts an ephemeral 6 hours, and nostalgia creeps into my soul.
Right now, I was supposed to be in Nicaragua, Latin America, for a year-long agricultural internship — something I had desired and planned for years in advance. I was supposed to immerse myself in a culture and language I loved, get out of my routine, learn and experience new things every day.
After months of hesitation by my sending organization, my trip was cancelled one month before the due day of departure. And so, I ended up with a university degree and without a job — in the same old German town where I’d lived for years already.
These past months had been nothing like what they were originally planned. As for most people, the global pandemic forced me to change the course of my life and steer into quite another direction than I had wanted to take.
Yet during the past weeks, I often woke up with a feeling of intense anticipation and joy. With a hint of curiosity (and, yes, also fear), I would think to myself: what is this day going to bring? What’s going to come my way?
And honestly, even though there were days when I would feel terribly insecure, anxious and stressed out, I often woke up and thought to myself:
I love my life!
Through insecurity and heartbreak, experiments and failure, I came out stronger, happier and more resilient. Here’s how I came to love my life even though it went nothing like planned!
1. Lament
The first thing I learned when my life didn’t go as expected this year was the importance of lament.
It’s OK to cry when dreams get shattered and hopes are disappointed. It’s OK to be angry and sad about the circumstances you can’t change. It’s OK, and it’s important, to lament what you’ve lost! Research confirms it: crying releases endorphins, our bodies’ feel-good chemicals. Endorphins help ease both physical and emotional pain.
But remember — don’t ever get stuck in the past! There’s a time for lament, yet there’s also a time for moving on and lighting new hopes. Like candles, they are the ones who will guide you to new joys.
For several months this year, I had been hoping a relationship with someone to develop into “something more”. I had been dreaming, delicately kindling love and hope, giving away a part of my heart. And in the end, I was bitterly disappointed.
Just at the moment when I was so sick of crying, stubbornly telling myself I would never ever shed another tear for him, I came upon the following line:
“Tears are never a sign of weakness. Tears are always the sign of an open heart.” — Ann Voskamp
Humbled, I opened the door of my soul to lament. To disappointment. To sadness. But never for bitterness — because bitterness is what poisons your heart and steals your joy. As the melancholy for the struggles of the past months ebb away, new happiness makes itself room inside my soul…
2. Embrace Change
A happiness that comes from embracing change and making the best out of a given situation.
Shortly after I handed in my Bachelor thesis this summer, I left Germany to be with my family in Croatia. Planning to stay there a month before leaving for Nicaragua, I moved out of my flat in Germany and packed all my suitcases for a final goodbye.
Then, news arrived to me that my internship to Nicaragua would have to be cancelled. Of course, I had known that it was possible for this to happen. But still, I had maintained the hope of travelling to my internship placement until the end.
After that, things had to go quickly. I had to find a job. In the middle of a pandemic, I had to decide in which country I would live — Germany, Croatia or maybe somewhere else? And I had to decide it all now.
I decided to go back to Germany, where many of my friends lived. Things worked out surprisingly well. I found a temporal place to stay and a job for a few weeks. At least, the first two months of my return to Germany were more or less secured… Everything after that was still uncertain.
Even though my accommodation was really simple (or should I say ugly and filthy?!), I started to make myself home again. I did what I could to turn my room into a cosy place. And in amazement, I used to stare at the beautiful view of a park in front of my window. As the colourful autumn garments of the trees made room for the monotony of winter, I once again had to find a new job and a new place to stay…
But this time with the increasing confidence that, even if it weren’t the place of my dreams, I could make something good out of the situation.
Embrace change and make the best out of what you’ve got! Again, science is on your side. According to a study, choosing actions that represent a change in major life decisions makes us happy in the long run.
3. Live Simply
An unintended side effect of my new situation was that I had to live simply. As a clueless university graduate, I made some terrible mistakes while negotiating my salary. At some point, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to get any money at my job!
And in the rush of moving houses between countries, I found myself with only the most necessary things.
But suddenly, I began enjoying this lifestyle. I made it a challenge for myself to see what I could live without (new clothes or a table and chairs) or what I could share with others (kitchen appliances). I started to better discern what I really needed and appreciated in life.
And I learned in an entirely new way that the most precious things in life cannot be measured with money. Stable relationships and family. A community where I feel like I belong. My best friend who listened to me as I poured out my heart and prayed with me during an anxiety attack. The soothing magnificence of nature and beautiful music. A moment of bliss sipping a cup of coffee.
4. Share What You Have
But even with this simple lifestyle, I intentionally wanted to share what I had. Even if it wasn’t exactly luxury what I could offer, I made it a habit to invite friends over for what I called “humble meals”. Simple pasta with home-made pesto, bread and Croatian olive oil, a cup of tea…
And I discovered that sharing didn’t necessarily have to involve material things. You can give time, share a smile, make a friendly comment or encourage someone. Sharing time and words of life sometimes has greater power than any expensive gift. Scientific research confirms that giving and doing acts of kindness, in turn, make us happy!
However, one of my hardest lessons was (and still is) letting others share with me. Receiving instead of giving. I’ve always tried to be the one who helps and gives generously. Being given and helped makes you feel helpless and out of control.
But I’m learning that it’s OK — and sometimes even necessary — to let others be generous with you!
Finally, it inspires new gratitude for all that I have and was given! Life’s a lot easier lived with thankfulness.
5. Experiment
In the filthy flat I lived in for two months, I didn’t have a kitchen scale. So, whenever I wanted to cook or bake something, I had to measure the ingredients by feel. Often, I would leave the recipe altogether and simply improvise.
And a surprising thing I found out was — it worked! I could cook and bake without a scale, without a pre-written recipe. I could live out of my imagination. Not all of my culinary creations turned out as delicious as I hoped. But it certainly was fun experimenting.
Life’s an experiment, and there’s no recipe that will guarantee you success and happiness.
Day by day, I started to see my life as an experiment — whether it was finding my career, finding love or finding a new direction for my life.
Some of my experiments turned out as a failure (for example the romantic relationship I sought or the first job I landed). Other experiments worked out great (for example the second job I got or some friendships I invested in). Some experiments are still going on and I don’t know how what will become of them (for example my attempts of working part-time as a freelance writer).
Yet whatever the outcome of my experiments, I know I will learn and become stronger as I keep meddling in life’s kitchen.
Sometimes, the lessons from such experiments hurt. They really hurt because taking risks also involves the possibility of failure or being heartbroken.
But I’ll keep taking risks and giving all my heart to the people and projects that come my way.
As Louise Erdrich wrote:
“You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
Finding Freedom
As I look out of my window on a dull winter day in Germany, I feel vivid freedom in a life lived not following a recipe. Yes, it involves the possibility of failure and disappointment. But it also involves the possibility of creating the life you love, painting it in whatever colours you want.
In the end, having my plans messed up by the pandemic was perhaps the best thing that could have happened to me. It made me leave my comfort zone in a place where I least expected it. It brought me heartbreak and brought out the weaknesses in me, but at the same time made me stronger, happier and more resilient.
So, savour your gifts, improvise with what you’ve got and paint the life you love. Maybe the unplanned turns out to bring you freedom and joy you never even dreamed of!
